College Football Players As Mythical Hindu Weapons and Warriors

October 5, 2010 § 1 Comment

In today’s world of our athletes as gods (for what are gods other than things we can’t fully grasp?) it’s important that the fans have all appropriate deities and myths at their disposal for proper comparisons. Here’s a few you probably didn’t know about, but feel free to research for future use.

I grew up like many of you, certain that the coolest war stories were either of the Audie Murphy/WWII strain or perhaps the mythologies of Hellenic or Norse traditions. Boy were we wrong. If you want epic levels of bloodshed, divine intervention, grand prose, and pure destruction, look no further than the Kurukshetra War in the Mahabharata or the stories from the Ramayana, some of the most important texts in Hinduism. Tales of a single man killing 100,000 people in a day? Not a problem. The gods telling the warriors to sack up and fight? Of course. Priest-eating Giants? How many would you like?

Really, you should give the stuff a look some time. Yeah, they’re vegetarians and a bunch of them are tech support people today, but you only have to look back 60 years to the Gurkhas to see that the Hindu culture has a long tradition of straight wrecking shit.

This year in college football has eerie echoes to the myths and traditions of the Kurukshetra War, not primarily in personage but in weaponry. See if you notice the similarities.

Narayanastra

Lord Vishnu’s personal firearm, the Narayanastra, was a weapon that fired millions of arrows at it’s enemy upon command. It inspired the strongest of fears in the target, even unto the point of hoping for the target’s own demise. Furthermore, the narayanastra increases in intensity the more you resist. The only way to defeat it is to utterly submit to the narayanastra and only then will the arrows missiles turn away. I heard rumor of a narayanastra appearing in northwestern Arkansas…

A million arrows. And interceptions towards Alabama.

Sudarshana Chakra

A spinning disk of serrated edges, Sudarshana Chakra is the Gods’ Choice in execution weaponry. In the Mahabharat we see that for Vishnu, when he needs a decapitation, he thinks of Sudarshana Chakra, the chakra for all your fool-killin’ needs. It is rumored to have 10 million spikes and multiple rows, something so violent that it cut up a goddess into 52 pieces.

...and send the remains to the four winds as a warning.

Pashupatastra

I’ll let Wikipedia run this one:

“Pashupatastra is the irresistible and most destructive personal weapon of discharged by the mind, the eyes, words, or a bow. Never to be used against lesser enemies or by lesser warriors, the Pashupata is capable of destroying creation and vanquishing all beings.”

Clearly uninformed about protocol, RichRod’s had no problem using his against lesser enemies so far:

You thought I was exaggerating about a "human weapon".

Kumbhakarna

A giant who seemed to have a friendly nature but who killed hundreds people with every step he took and ate priests just because he could, Kumbhakarna was forced to sleep for 6 months at a time just to keep everyone else safe. Presented without comment from Butch Davis.

Pour one out for the sleeping giant.

Brahmastra

Like many other weapons of Hindu lore, this one is also touted as unstoppable. Lord Brahma bequeathes the weapon to a person and gives the recipient a word or phrase to use to unleash it. The phrase is often unknown to everyone but the recipient, and he meditates upon the phrase to call the Brahmastra to his side for help. Here’s the kicker (again a Wikipedia summary):

“The weapon also causes severe environmental damage. The land where the weapon is used becomes barren for eons and all life in and around that area ceases to exist. Women and men become infertile. There is severe decrease in rainfall and the land develops cracks like in a drought.”

Yeah, I thought so too:

"Each day death strikes, and we live as if though we were immortal. This is the greatest wonder."

Advertisements

§ One Response to College Football Players As Mythical Hindu Weapons and Warriors

  • Pathik says:

    I am unfortunately out of touch w/ the college football world as of late, but that didn’t make this post any less entertaining! That might be partially b/c I am Hindu and am familiar w/ the stuff besides the college football players šŸ™‚ Goodstuff! How did you discover the Hindu weaponry?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading College Football Players As Mythical Hindu Weapons and Warriors at Hashiell Dammit.

meta

%d bloggers like this: