Ghana: The Unfair Viewing Guide And Preview And Predictions

June 25, 2010 § Leave a comment

Viewer’s Guide To U.S.-Ghana. Here’s ZM’s more technical stuff that you should use to further familiarize yourself with the enemy.

General Notes

  • It’s not Ghanans, or Ghanains. It’s Ghanaians. Yeesh, what a mouthful.
  • Their Olympic team’s nickname is “The Black Meteors” which is slightly worse, IMO, than “The Black Stars”
  • A meteor, though, does better to describe Ghana’s improvement and rise up the rankings. As recently as 2004, they were ranked by ELO as the 97th team (!) and now are a mid-20’s team. It’s all been due to single generation of Ghanan–err Ghanaians, all around 26-30 years of age, who are of a European league-quality.
  • They have two players named John Mensah. They aren’t related.
  • Ghana is the 53rd least failed state in the world, second best in Africa. Way to go, Ghana!
  • The Larabanga Mosque in Ghana is a world treasure, one of the oldest buildings still standing in sub-Saharan Africa.
  • The list of notable people from Ghana includes Kofi Annan, Freddy Adu, Nazr Mohammed, and Kwame Nkrumah. Bob Bradley knew things would turn out the way they did, so that’s why he left Freddy off the USMNT. Not because he’s a bust or anything like that.

Ghana Will Win If…

  • Their goalkeeper Richard Kingson forgets that he’s Richard Kingson and plays like someone else. He’s a backup goalie for Wigan Athletic. I feel that should be QED, in and of itself. He might be the worst goalie to make it through to the final 16. I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head who’s markedly poorer than Kingson.
  • Michael Essien turns into Bloodscream or Wolverine and regenerates a healthy ACL. The man who provided direction and motivation to his teammates, Essien was/is Ghana’s only true star, and him being gone turns Ghana’s midfield from a bramble of stabby-blades into just a stray hypodermic needle or two in a McDonalds’ ballpit. The threat they present on the offensive side of the ball is next to nil. Ghana will hope to win this game 1-0 or in a shootout.
  • One of their players on either end of the field differentiates himself. I might be persuaded into agreeing that John Mensah is a solid defender, but the hell I’ll agree that Ghana’s back four is solid. I might be convinced that Asamoah Gyan has had moments of offensive competence, but the hell I’ll admit Ghana’s offense has teeth. Their midfield is stocked full of talent, but all it’s seemed to do is slow down the middle of the field and keep things backing-and-forthing outside the boxes. But this is single-elimination, y’all: anything can happen, and if someone like a Boateng or Gyan gets hot…
  • If the U.S. allows their “Thanks For Playing With Us” Welcoming Early Goal. They almost let it happen again against Algeria (LOVE U CROSSBAR), and against Ghana it would be a big blow. I imagine Ghana could sit on a lead for quite a while, not providing the attack against which the U.S.’s counter-attack depends.
  • If Jay DeMerit plays more than–, no y’know what? Jay can stay. I’m really not worried about Ghana’s attack, so he can chill. He did okay against Algeria, who also had no attack worth mentioning. Against Uruguay with Forlan and Suarez, however, he’ll need to get the hell out.

My Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Starting XI Which Will Be Sure To Not Happen






It’d be sorta kinda 4-2-2-2 to a more flexible 4-2-3-1 with Jozy moving forward and Buddle melding with the Donovan and Dempsey line. I’d steer clear of Torres or Gomez to start as they’re too small to handle Ghana’s mids.


United States 2, Ghana 0


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